hey
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: keishacole heaven sent
Topic: About Him

OKay since its been such a long time that i written on here i thought i would give a quick update

Okay Iam 24 now and i been living on my own for about over a year and its been great

I been in a relationship for over 4 months going on five on the fifth of september

I am happy wiith him and he has been great with

I stilldeal with past issuesbut what else is new

i am also a mark rep and i sell make up

here check out my site for yourself

www.mymarkstore.com/sharekawilliams

well thats all have a good day and will try to update more

sorry
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Bobby Valentino- My Angel
Topic: About Him

I been thinking about everything that has happen in my life. I had good things happen but the one good is was Andrew. Sometimes I dont know what to do about him. I love him so much but it is hard watching him be with someone who he agrues with all the time. I am sorry that I havent written in a while. I had alot on my mind. I wrote a poem let me know what you think.

Taking the pain away

Wishing that somehow

That I can take all your pain away

Protect you from harm

Not wanting you to get hurt

Wishing that somehow

I could take all your hurt away

Wanting you to be at peace

Wanting you to be happy

Eve if you dont want me

Tranfer all your pain to me

It hurts seeing you in pain

It hurts knowing I cant do anything

I want to do something

Something to show you I love yo

To show you I care too much

That I want to be with you

No one else

Maybe I will leave it alone.

thinking is what i do
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Justin Timberlake-Sexy Back
Topic: About Him

A lot has been on my mind and it somewhat tearing me apart. The whole Andrew situation , my own life, friends and so much more. I was going to write alot like i did with the other diaries.

I am not feeling all that well and I think i will end this short sorry about that.

This Weekend
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Mary J Blige-Enough Cryin
Topic: About Him

I been doing some thinking about Andrew and I am going to stick to my decision. I am going to say whatever happens happens. I am going to be there for him even if I am not happy about it. I mean I want to believe that Daniela (his fiancee) is good but after the many falling outs we had, it made me think different. I know that Andrew will do what he feels it right. Thats another reason why I love him. I have him do  a how well do you know me test and he passed every question . I was so surprise but than again it is andrew and I am happy that he does know me that well.  Well thats all for now.

tired and dont know what to do anymore
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Nelly Furtado-Maneater
Topic: About Him

A lot on my mind about Andrew and I dont know what to do anymore. I tried to be nice and now I am at a stand still on what to do. I really dont feel like writing much today so this entry is going to be short.

losing my mind
Mood:  blue
Topic: About Him

My Lost

I wait too lost

Now I might have miss out

The misery that I deal with

I should have told you sooner

Now I lost you

A hardship I must face

My dreams

My hopes and desires

Gone from my life

It hurts too much

Can't think about it

Its hard to deal

I wanted too late

It's all my fault

I have to accept it

I can't have you

I can't love you

Its too hard

 

 

here is my poem about my pain.

dont know anymore
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Justin Timberlake-Sexy Back
Topic: About Him
Andrew, I mean what can i say about him. I do love him but sometimes  He can be werid but that is why I love him I been trying to be nice about things that going on. I been trying not to tell myself that things are not good or anything but i am not making sense. Okay I Know that Andrew and I are more than friends but other than that I dont know. I dont know what to do anymore. either way I have to talk to him about it. I can keep letting my heart get hurt like this over and over,

Doing some thinking
Mood:  blue
Now Playing: Nelly Furtado-Maneater
Topic: About Him

Work is getting to be a pain. I am so starting to hate it there.  I dont care anymore. I do everything in my power to make things better and all I get is nothing in return. Well forget them.

Andrew and I emailing each other about our problem (work) He can relate to each other. I love him so much. I am just glad that he can talk to me. I know that there is something more but at least he is starting to tell me something.

 

not having
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Ashlee Simpson-Love Me For Me
Topic: About Him
Not having a good day. I just don't care about it anymore. It doesnt make any sense. Work is gettting to be a pain in the butt. I dont know what to do anymore. I can only take so much and they are so pushing it. I just want to scream. Anyway this entry is going to be short I dont want to make myself mad again. Oh I passed another test for my online school.

something that i wanted to write
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Danity Kane- One Shot
Topic: About Him

I haven’t been writing how I feel about everything. I don’t know why I haven’t been telling or I should say writing but now I think that I should start back doing that but this isn’t why I haven’t been writing.

 

Okay the reason why I am writing is because there are some things on my mind. Okay let’s start from the beginning. I want to start with what I always talk about which is Andrew.

 

Okay everyone knows that I love Andrew more than anything. He is my heart and soul and I want him to be happy even if that means I am miserable. Truthfully I will be miserable what I want him to be truly happy. He deserves it so much.  I am trying not to feel the way I feel about him. I have so many emotions about him and not fully knowing how he feels make it a little hard to figure out anything about our friendship or relationship or whatever. Every night and day I dreamed of Andrew and I being together since high school and I blame myself for not being able to tell him how I felt sooner. I feel like crap every time I think about what could have been but its in the past and now I have to think about the future. It hard because I told myself a while ago that I wasn’t going to tell Andrew I love him until he tells me and things that he do make it so hard not to tell him.

 

I don’t know what to do about him anymore besides being there for him as a friend but I want more than friendship but I can take what I can get right now. I do love him more than anything and I been wanting to tell him but I am so afraid that I won’t the reaction that I would like to. When I am around him I can’t control myself.  I love him so much with all my heart and soul.

 

When I have dreams about him they feel so real and the only dreams that I had like that was before he came home in April. It made me wish he was here right now.  I don’t know its so many feelings that I am going through I don’t really know how to really explain them. I know some of what Andrew feels about me but I know that he isn’t telling me anything. I don’t want to keep worrying over it cause it only going to make things worse.

 

Its just that he has been on my mind a whole lot and I been a little worried about it. I am hoping that everything is alright. If anything ever happen to him I don’t know what I would do. I think that this is a reason why I haven’t been getting much sleep. I dreamed that one day Andrew and I would get married and have family. Am I the only one that doesn’t see what other people see. What I mean by that is that most people have been saying that Andrew and I could have been together and probably have a family. It really got me to thinking about it. I mean could it all been true? I mean if I would have said anything in high school could be actually have what it was suppose to be? I wondered about that all the time.

 

I know that he will always been there for me and I know that no matter what he always will. He knows me too well. That is one of the reasons why I love him so much. I been doing a lot of thinking about everything. I been trying to figure out what’s going on between us. I feel like there is something pulling us together and then I said to myself that I didn’t want to get my hopes up and thinking that it will happen and it don’t. I am not going to think negative believe me I won’t. I am just going to wait and see what will happen. I am just tired and drain from everything. I don’t know what to do anymore. All I can do is wait and see what will happen. I have a lot to really think about. I don’t want to hurt him and me in the process. I don’t know what to say or how to express myself.