sorry for not updating
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: maroon 5 - wake up call
Topic: updates

I been delaying writing this for some reason. I don’t know why I am but I feel that I should start writing about what’s going on.

 

Right now I feel hurt, lonely, depressed, miserable, and confused.  Sometimes I wonder how I  can manage to function each and everyday.

 

Sometimes I feel like I want to be able to express myself but am having a hard time trying to do that. When I want to things don’t go as planned.

 

Sometimes I feel like I won’t get happiness. It seems like soon as something good comes my way then something or someone comes along and messes things up. I feel like I can’t catch a break on it. Its so not fair. Some of my friends do worse things than me and they can keep a relationship and me I try my hardest to do the right thing and it blows up in my face.

 

I don’t think that is fair. At first I thought that it was just my imagination but it isn’t. I feel that I do what they do it will get worse. I am not trying to be pessimistic.  I been having nightmare about everything that happens and not sleeping so well.

 

Let see….. Andrew and I aren’t friends anymore. Let pretty much let Daniela control his life and she read some old emails and found out about Andrew and me having sex this past April and last April. I knew that it would come out but she went after me than Andrew. I know I was wrong and I regretted that for the rest of my life but I was really mad that she didn’t go after Andrew and they are still together. Then they both deserve each other cause it doesn’t make any sense that she let him get away with that then she wants to threaten me.

 

I don’t want Andrew and I don’t love him. I am glad that we aren’t friends. There are times when I think about it and say that I miss him but I don’t want anything to do with him cause of his lies and backstabbing. I don’t trust him anymore and I don’t think I will ever trust him.

 

Logan is the guy I currently have feelings for. I know him for about five months. I enjoy his company and like how he makes me feel. We have been off and on for the relationship thing and each time we get back together things are good and get better. We aren’t together right now. If we do I don’t know for sure but I think it will be better than this time. He doesn’t talk to me about how he feels until after he freaks out and breaks it off. The only thing I can do is cry cause I blame myself for it. Right now we are friends and don’t get me wrong I am happy that we are friends but I still wanted the relationship. I am going to prove to him that we can do this and have the relationship with both want and to communicate and have everything and be happy.

 

Not really sure yet on how I want to do it but don’t worry I will. I feel somewhat better writing how I feel about things.  Especially the main parts I wanted to talk about.