hey
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: keishacole heaven sent
Topic: About Him

OKay since its been such a long time that i written on here i thought i would give a quick update

Okay Iam 24 now and i been living on my own for about over a year and its been great

I been in a relationship for over 4 months going on five on the fifth of september

I am happy wiith him and he has been great with

I stilldeal with past issuesbut what else is new

i am also a mark rep and i sell make up

here check out my site for yourself

www.mymarkstore.com/sharekawilliams

well thats all have a good day and will try to update more

sorry for not updating
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: maroon 5 - wake up call
Topic: updates

I been delaying writing this for some reason. I don’t know why I am but I feel that I should start writing about what’s going on.

 

Right now I feel hurt, lonely, depressed, miserable, and confused.  Sometimes I wonder how I  can manage to function each and everyday.

 

Sometimes I feel like I want to be able to express myself but am having a hard time trying to do that. When I want to things don’t go as planned.

 

Sometimes I feel like I won’t get happiness. It seems like soon as something good comes my way then something or someone comes along and messes things up. I feel like I can’t catch a break on it. Its so not fair. Some of my friends do worse things than me and they can keep a relationship and me I try my hardest to do the right thing and it blows up in my face.

 

I don’t think that is fair. At first I thought that it was just my imagination but it isn’t. I feel that I do what they do it will get worse. I am not trying to be pessimistic.  I been having nightmare about everything that happens and not sleeping so well.

 

Let see….. Andrew and I aren’t friends anymore. Let pretty much let Daniela control his life and she read some old emails and found out about Andrew and me having sex this past April and last April. I knew that it would come out but she went after me than Andrew. I know I was wrong and I regretted that for the rest of my life but I was really mad that she didn’t go after Andrew and they are still together. Then they both deserve each other cause it doesn’t make any sense that she let him get away with that then she wants to threaten me.

 

I don’t want Andrew and I don’t love him. I am glad that we aren’t friends. There are times when I think about it and say that I miss him but I don’t want anything to do with him cause of his lies and backstabbing. I don’t trust him anymore and I don’t think I will ever trust him.

 

Logan is the guy I currently have feelings for. I know him for about five months. I enjoy his company and like how he makes me feel. We have been off and on for the relationship thing and each time we get back together things are good and get better. We aren’t together right now. If we do I don’t know for sure but I think it will be better than this time. He doesn’t talk to me about how he feels until after he freaks out and breaks it off. The only thing I can do is cry cause I blame myself for it. Right now we are friends and don’t get me wrong I am happy that we are friends but I still wanted the relationship. I am going to prove to him that we can do this and have the relationship with both want and to communicate and have everything and be happy.

 

Not really sure yet on how I want to do it but don’t worry I will. I feel somewhat better writing how I feel about things.  Especially the main parts I wanted to talk about.

hi
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: mary j blige- take me as i am

October 24, 2006

 

 

I been thinking about my granddad a whole lot lately and that got me to thinking more about my life. I thought about the things he would tell me and those things are how I got to be the person that I am today. I know that in my heart that he will always be there for me even if he isn’t alive.

 

This December marks two years that he died. It’s a little sad that he isn’t here but I think about the good times and it makes things better. So I been thinking about what he would do since I been feeling like crap about my job and somewhat my life and I came to this conclusion.

 

For right now I know that things are not going right and I have to make the best out of it. With my job until something else comes along I just do may best and work from there. If they don’t appreciate it than its their lost. You can only do so much for people and as for my life if your not happy well do something about it. Try to do things that will make you happy even if you look back on your life and find something that you use to do to make you happy and do it.

 

So I thought why not do that. I am back  to my writing and I am almost finish with school. I am at my last lesson on that once I am finish with that I am done and I would have graduated. I can’t wait. I am so excited. I haven’t realized how excited I am about this. It one of the things that makes me happy. There are other things but I am not going to say what they are. Only people who knows me knows the answer to that.

 

With my friends I know that I can only help them out the best that I can. I am not going to worry myself too much that I am not able to help them out the way I can. They know they can come to me and talk about anything and I will be there for them.

 

I know that life doesn’t go as planned I mean I understand that I am just going to go with the flow and do what I need to do. Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned but its up to you to do what you can to make it better and that is what I am going to do. I am going to make the best out of life and make my dreams come true. I just have to take it one step at a time and that is what I am going to do.

 

I still miss my granddad and I wish he was here but since he isn’t I know that he is watching me and protecting me from anything. Even though he isn’t here I celebrate our birthday that we share together each year. I mean I know that he may or may not know but I like to think that he knows and it makes him happy that I find things to share our birthday doing. I don’t have plans yet but I will soon. I am actually working on doing some yoga at home. It’s a good idea to relieve stress and aim it somewhere else which is really what I need. I cant wait to start it.

 

I am also working on my new years resolutions. I know that it is early but I figure that if I start early making them I will be able to do them. I completed most of them and some that I really didn’t think about I did also. They tie into my goals that I want to accomplish them. I don’t know what was the point I was trying to make.

 

So right now I am pretty much excited about things. So now I am in a much better mood that I was in my previous entries and it’s a really good thing. I am back on being positive and trying to make myself even more happy than I was before. I am glad to be back somewhat to the way I am. Anyway work is going okay. I know that things about work is going to work out. I am planning on when I am getting my degree I am going to find a nearby hotel or inn to work at and gain experience there and work towards getting my own business one day. I am thinking about in the next few years I should be able to start working on getting my own inn. I cant wait. I am working on my business plan. It is going to take some time to accomplish but with all the books recommendations I should be able to run my inn successfully.

sorry for not updating
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: justin timberlake- My love

Sorry for not updating like I been planning on doing. I cant exactly remember where I left off. Things are good with me. I been  Hanging out with friends and making sure they are doing okay.  Work is fine. I am almost finish with school well I dont feel like writing anymore right now so I will properly update later.

sorry
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Bobby Valentino- My Angel
Topic: About Him

I been thinking about everything that has happen in my life. I had good things happen but the one good is was Andrew. Sometimes I dont know what to do about him. I love him so much but it is hard watching him be with someone who he agrues with all the time. I am sorry that I havent written in a while. I had alot on my mind. I wrote a poem let me know what you think.

Taking the pain away

Wishing that somehow

That I can take all your pain away

Protect you from harm

Not wanting you to get hurt

Wishing that somehow

I could take all your hurt away

Wanting you to be at peace

Wanting you to be happy

Eve if you dont want me

Tranfer all your pain to me

It hurts seeing you in pain

It hurts knowing I cant do anything

I want to do something

Something to show you I love yo

To show you I care too much

That I want to be with you

No one else

Maybe I will leave it alone.

thinking is what i do
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Justin Timberlake-Sexy Back
Topic: About Him

A lot has been on my mind and it somewhat tearing me apart. The whole Andrew situation , my own life, friends and so much more. I was going to write alot like i did with the other diaries.

I am not feeling all that well and I think i will end this short sorry about that.

This Weekend
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Mary J Blige-Enough Cryin
Topic: About Him

I been doing some thinking about Andrew and I am going to stick to my decision. I am going to say whatever happens happens. I am going to be there for him even if I am not happy about it. I mean I want to believe that Daniela (his fiancee) is good but after the many falling outs we had, it made me think different. I know that Andrew will do what he feels it right. Thats another reason why I love him. I have him do  a how well do you know me test and he passed every question . I was so surprise but than again it is andrew and I am happy that he does know me that well.  Well thats all for now.

tired and dont know what to do anymore
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Nelly Furtado-Maneater
Topic: About Him

A lot on my mind about Andrew and I dont know what to do anymore. I tried to be nice and now I am at a stand still on what to do. I really dont feel like writing much today so this entry is going to be short.

losing my mind
Mood:  blue
Topic: About Him

My Lost

I wait too lost

Now I might have miss out

The misery that I deal with

I should have told you sooner

Now I lost you

A hardship I must face

My dreams

My hopes and desires

Gone from my life

It hurts too much

Can't think about it

Its hard to deal

I wanted too late

It's all my fault

I have to accept it

I can't have you

I can't love you

Its too hard

 

 

here is my poem about my pain.

dont know anymore
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Justin Timberlake-Sexy Back
Topic: About Him
Andrew, I mean what can i say about him. I do love him but sometimes  He can be werid but that is why I love him I been trying to be nice about things that going on. I been trying not to tell myself that things are not good or anything but i am not making sense. Okay I Know that Andrew and I are more than friends but other than that I dont know. I dont know what to do anymore. either way I have to talk to him about it. I can keep letting my heart get hurt like this over and over,