not having
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Ashlee Simpson-Love Me For Me
Topic: About Him
Not having a good day. I just don't care about it anymore. It doesnt make any sense. Work is gettting to be a pain in the butt. I dont know what to do anymore. I can only take so much and they are so pushing it. I just want to scream. Anyway this entry is going to be short I dont want to make myself mad again. Oh I passed another test for my online school.

something that i wanted to write
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Danity Kane- One Shot
Topic: About Him

I haven’t been writing how I feel about everything. I don’t know why I haven’t been telling or I should say writing but now I think that I should start back doing that but this isn’t why I haven’t been writing.

 

Okay the reason why I am writing is because there are some things on my mind. Okay let’s start from the beginning. I want to start with what I always talk about which is Andrew.

 

Okay everyone knows that I love Andrew more than anything. He is my heart and soul and I want him to be happy even if that means I am miserable. Truthfully I will be miserable what I want him to be truly happy. He deserves it so much.  I am trying not to feel the way I feel about him. I have so many emotions about him and not fully knowing how he feels make it a little hard to figure out anything about our friendship or relationship or whatever. Every night and day I dreamed of Andrew and I being together since high school and I blame myself for not being able to tell him how I felt sooner. I feel like crap every time I think about what could have been but its in the past and now I have to think about the future. It hard because I told myself a while ago that I wasn’t going to tell Andrew I love him until he tells me and things that he do make it so hard not to tell him.

 

I don’t know what to do about him anymore besides being there for him as a friend but I want more than friendship but I can take what I can get right now. I do love him more than anything and I been wanting to tell him but I am so afraid that I won’t the reaction that I would like to. When I am around him I can’t control myself.  I love him so much with all my heart and soul.

 

When I have dreams about him they feel so real and the only dreams that I had like that was before he came home in April. It made me wish he was here right now.  I don’t know its so many feelings that I am going through I don’t really know how to really explain them. I know some of what Andrew feels about me but I know that he isn’t telling me anything. I don’t want to keep worrying over it cause it only going to make things worse.

 

Its just that he has been on my mind a whole lot and I been a little worried about it. I am hoping that everything is alright. If anything ever happen to him I don’t know what I would do. I think that this is a reason why I haven’t been getting much sleep. I dreamed that one day Andrew and I would get married and have family. Am I the only one that doesn’t see what other people see. What I mean by that is that most people have been saying that Andrew and I could have been together and probably have a family. It really got me to thinking about it. I mean could it all been true? I mean if I would have said anything in high school could be actually have what it was suppose to be? I wondered about that all the time.

 

I know that he will always been there for me and I know that no matter what he always will. He knows me too well. That is one of the reasons why I love him so much. I been doing a lot of thinking about everything. I been trying to figure out what’s going on between us. I feel like there is something pulling us together and then I said to myself that I didn’t want to get my hopes up and thinking that it will happen and it don’t. I am not going to think negative believe me I won’t. I am just going to wait and see what will happen. I am just tired and drain from everything. I don’t know what to do anymore. All I can do is wait and see what will happen. I have a lot to really think about. I don’t want to hurt him and me in the process. I don’t know what to say or how to express myself.

 

I love him so much
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Danity Kane- One Shot
Topic: About Him

Well I am in a good mood for a few reasons. One is that I passed my test. Two I am closer to getting my degree and Three I got to talk to Andrew. Things are great.

I love talking to him. He makes things even more better than before. I really hope he comes home in december. I been thinking about him a whole lot and I cant wait to show him when he gets home. :)

well I dont have much to say. I have to finish getting ready for work.

can being in love be a crazy thing.
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Ashlee Simpson-Love me for me
Topic: About Him

I mean can you be so much in love with someone that you can drive yourself crazy. I mean I love andrew more than life itself and I would give up my life for him. Is that being crazy. Am I wasting my time aiming toward a guy who may not want to be with me like i want to be with him.

I been in love with this guy for a long time. Getting back in contact with him change my entire life. I became a brand new Shareka and without him  I dont think I would be different or feel this way about a guy.

Its hard seeing him with someone else. Well it hurts a whole lot and I wish I could have my chance. I sometimes wonder if I do. I cant change my feelings for him no matter how hard I try and believe me I have tried so many times. It doesnt work as planned. I been trying to find a way to tell him what I am going through but he isnt having a good time where he is. something is bothering him and he wont tell me and it hurts so much that he wont tell me. I wish he could tell me, showing me isnt engough right now. I wish he could tell me as a friend. i mean we are friends first before anything right. idont know anymore on what to do. help

untitled
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Nsync- I just wanna be with you
Topic: About Him

Sitting here on my day off from work thinking about andrew. I wasnt myself last night and i found myself depressed and crying. I didnt tell anyone I just kept it to myself. I dont know why I felt that way. Istill feel that way but I am not so sure why.

I know that i wasnt me and I was someone else or something. I dont think that I am making sense anymore. The only thing that makes me feel a little better is writing. Well at times I feel better. I thought of what would happen if I was with Andrew and not Daniela. I am not so sure on how to explain it. 

I never thought that I could be emotional. I never thought that I would let certain things get to me. All I can say is that I love Andrew so much and his happiness is so important to me. All my friends happiness is important. I dont like seeing them sad or whatever. I dont knowwhat else to say about it but there are a lot of things on my mind and I have to sort it out and see what I can do to make things better. well thats all for now.

Getting sleep and being positive
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Justin Timberlake - Sexy Back
Topic: About Him

Andrew sent me a email today. Him and his fiance are having a fight. I hate to see him having a fight. I do want to be there for him.  I don't know exactly what to say about it beside the fact that I want him to be happy for matter what. I am going to be postitive and be supportive of my friend because I love him. I told myself I won't tell him that I love him until he says it to me. I don't want to keep saying it and not have it being returned back to me. I know that somewhere deep down he is feeling the same way. I want him to be able to say it when he is ready and then I can say it to him. 

Work is fineand so far no problems. I want to make it through today and tommorrow and then they wont see me until monday by then I am hoping to get more sleep and be able to manage myself again. I been a little distracted lately and I have to get myself back on track. This is so not me.  I know that things happen for a reason and in time it all wil be revealed and I am going to be paient and see what will happen. Well  I think that I am finish writing this entry. Thanks for those who read it. If you want to post comments I love hearing them. Thanks also for reading my webpage. well thats all for now and until the next update.

My day of thinking of some sort
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Nsync-This I promise You
Topic: About Him
I know that I talked about Andrew but I cant help it. He is great. We talked alot this weekend and I enjoy it very much and I can't wait to do it again. It was so good to talk to him and I miss him so much. I wonder do he think about me as much as I do. I think about him all do. I been having dreams about him and what will happen when he gets home.  I am a little scared about what is going to happen but i will be prepared

my day
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: mariah carey- One and Only
Topic: Being me

I am not worried about anything anymore. I am not going to let anything or anyone. I dont know if i am going to keep to it. Andrew has been on my mind today. I love him so much. i been daydreaming about him and wanting to be with him. I am going to wait and see what happens. i know something isnt right. i am worried about him.

why me
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: ginuwine- i'm crying out
Topic: Being me

Okay I was on Andrew's myspace page and I saw the pictures that he had oh him and daniela. The one picture that he has when they are suppose to be kissing but it look fake not like the one he had before. I didnt realized it until now. I guess that I had to sleep on it. I know that something isnt right between them. I am just trying to figure out that it is.

I usually know what he is thinking and I can feel it that something is not right. I know that he is dealing with alot and I feel that I want to be there for him and I want to be there for him. I love him so much and I want him to be really happy but I dont think he is happy with her. I am not so sure or not.  His happiness is all that matters my happiness is not that important. I know that he wants me to be happy but I dont want to tell him that he would make me happy. I love him so much. I know that i said that before and I truly mean it. I am not going to be sad if he wants to be with her. I still want to be his friend thats important to me. I am going to end this here.

my poem
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Rob Thomas- Ever the Same
Topic: Being me

Connections

The Connection that two people share

A really deep connection

Like know what the other person is thinking

Finishing each other sentences

Strong connection

That can't be broken

Special person in you life

Someone that makes you whole

Someone that you love with all your heart

Someone who you trust more than anything

Someone you can count on

Someone who you would give your life for

Connection that is true love

A connection that last forever

Something like soul mates

Having true love with a soul mate

Special connection between lovers

Something to think about

 

let me know what you think. thanks